Relationships are tough. They really are, it seems to me, I’ve spent all my teenage life, either looking for a boyfriend, or having one and being unhappy. There seems to be so much pressure on us youngsters to find a ‘nice boy’ and get into a nice settled relationship, people (family members and already happy couples) seem to think you’re some kind of freak if you haven’t managed to snare yourself a future husband by this age.
But personally, I don’t get it, I don’t get the point, why would I want another person to worry about, I spend enough time worrying about friends and family, without adding a boy to the list. Plus, one more person to buy expensive Christmas gifts for? No thanks. So what on earth is the deal with this rush for everyone to settle down and play happy couples?
Now it’s partly this pressure, whether its real or something I have imagined, that has caused my current situation; I have this boyfriend that I don’t really want. He’s perfectly lovely, good looking, gets on with everyone and is a total sweetheart, I just don’t fancy him. Trust me, I feel awful, I feel like I’ve been conned into this situation by the previously mentioned ‘happy couple’ syndrome, and by me being a complete pushover and not wanting to be hated for rejecting him. I wish I’d had more of a backbone, because now I feel trapped, and it’s my own fault.
I really think a lot of people feel similarly, trapped in relationships because they don’t want to be single, I know I have friends who are scared to leave because they don’t know how to be on their own anymore. That makes me kind of sad, but that isn’t the problem I have, my fear, is in the breaking up with people. I want to break up with this guy, I’m happier on my own and I don’t want to end up hurting him more or making him miserable, but I’m terrified of the talk you have to have. I have always had a fear of serious ‘talks’ the moment anyone says the words ‘ I think we need to talk’ I pretty much just start crying. And also, I really, really don’t want him to dislike me!
I’ve only ever had to break up with two other people, in my life, two of the worst nights, ever. I get more upset than they do and start crying, look pathetic, apologise loads, talk crap, then continue crying till well after they’ve gone home. They probably think I’m a freak, but I don’t think either of them hated me, at least not for more than a few days. And you feel so much better for doing it, at the end of the day, its better than stringing someone along and making you both miserable, and it’s always a relief, like a weight being lifted.
Even though I know its for the best, I’m still terrified, but this weekend, I and going to be brave, and get all this horrible-ness over with. I will probably have to have a few glasses of wine for dutch courage, and I will definitely being crying for a good few hours over the Ben and Jerrys. But its for the best. I really like to think that anyone else out there who needs to get out of a relationship they don’t want anymore, can be as brave as me! It saves a lot of heartbreak down the line, and the single life isn’t as hard as you would think.
Tags: boyfriend, boys, couples, relationships, teenagers, trapped, worry
