We hold the 12 days of Christmas tradition close to our hearts, so why can’t we translate it over to the most controversial day of the year?
Valentine’s Day is a marmite day. Maybe you’re in a secure, loving long-term relationship and can’t wait to spoil your better half.You could be single and profusely hating on the opposite sex because they’re selfish and confusing.
Or better still, what about the grey area where you’re kind of seeing someone but can’t quite define what you are.
Let me set the scene. Day one you swipe left and meet your perfect match on Tinder.
Day two you embarrassingly spend eight hours waiting for them to text, only to hear from Pizza Hut offering you 50% off.
Fuming. But tempting.
Day three you get asked out and spend the evening trying on seven different outfits to perfect the I didn’t make an effort look.
Day four is date day and you’re thoroughly spoiled to half a chicken, spicy rice and garlic bread at Nando’s. If alarm bells aren’t ringing, then you must seriously love chicken. Or free food.
Day five you refuse to make the first move. Will a second date be on the cards?
Day six you’re armed with alcohol, adamant that you don’t care if he calls. But end up drunk texting, of course.
Day seven is spent being a ridiculously hungover Needy Nigel resisting the urge to cave and text first.
Day eight is spent waiting, again, and not even Pizza Hut can make you feel loved.
Day nine you receive one text at 9pm and spend the entire day trying to decode it. What does ‘hey what’s up’ even mean?
Day ten you think the obligatory 24 hour waiting period is over and spend the day trying to compose the perfect reply. Is ‘have you got any plans for Valentine’s?’ too needy?
Day 11 you wonder whether they’ve lost their phone, suffered a family emergency. Their dog has definitely died. There MUST be an excuse.
Day 12 they cancel your call and you realise that you 100 per cent want chivalry to be restored. Romeo, where you at?
Let’s face the fact that the 12 days of Valentine’s can be spent like any of the other 364 days of the year.
Welcome to modern day dating.